Childhood anxiety

What is childhood anxiety?

Anxiety can affect anyone, at any age – including children and teenagers. Many children and young people feel temporarily stressed or anxious about things from time to time. For example, during exams, when switching schools, or after falling out with a friend. However, if they start to feel low, anxious, or upset every day over a longer period of time, it could be a sign of anxiety or depression.

When we worry about something like an exam or a presentation, most of us feel safer once it is over. But for some people, this feeling doesn’t go away. Research suggests that around one in six young people will experience anxiety at some point.

Counsellor and therapist, Zara Kadir, shares signs of anxiety in children and how counselling can help.

Anxiety in children

We all feel anxious at times. If those feelings affect your child’s day-to-day life, it could be a sign that they need a little extra help and support. They might not understand how or what they are feeling, or have the words to describe their experiences. They may also not be aware of how much their anxiety is affecting how they feel and what they do, so having a trusted adult to help spot the signs can be a big help.

It can be hard to tell the difference between when you might expect them to feel anxious and anxiety. For example, many children feel anxious when they start a new class or have a test coming up. Whereas ongoing feelings of being anxious that affect behaviour, mood, or confidence can be a sign of anxiety. When those feelings don’t go away over time that it can become a sign of childhood anxiety, and support may be needed. 

Signs of anxiety in children

What are the signs and symptoms of anxiety in children and young people? Common signs to look out for can include:

• constantly worrying or having negative thoughts
• trouble concentrating 
• seeming irritable, clingy, angry or tearful 
• difficulty sleeping, nightmares, or waking up during the night
• lack of confidence
• eating less or more than usual 
• avoiding everyday activities, like socialising or going to school
• being out of control during outbursts
• needing to use the toilet more often
• being tense or fidgety 
• saying they have tummy aches or feel unwell
• feeling unable to take part in things they used to enjoy, like after-school clubs or play dates with friends

Separation anxiety can be more common in younger children. Older children and teens can be more likely to experience social anxiety. It's important to remember that anxiety is a physiological response to a real or perceived threat. It may not seem reasonable or rational, but they are feeling their body sending a signal. Supporting them can help to reduce feelings of anxiety and can help them feel safe. 

School anxiety and school refusal

School-related anxiety can be common amongst children. For some, their anxiety can get so bad that they may refuse to go to school. This can be challenging for parents and children, as there is increased pressure for children not to miss school days, which can make some parents feel stuck or like it is a constant battle. Hope Therapy & Counselling Services explains more about how you can help your child feel less anxious about school: 

"Addressing school anxiety and refusal in your child requires patience, understanding, and proactive support. It's not an easy journey, but it's a journey worth taking to ensure your child's emotional well-being and academic success. Progress may be gradual, and setbacks can occur.

"Stay patient and persistent, and celebrate small victories along the way. By addressing the underlying causes, maintaining open communication, and fostering a supportive environment, you can empower your child to face their fears and confidently embrace school."

Children and teens can feel anxious about school for many different reasons. Talking with them, finding out why they are feeling worried, and letting them know people are here to listen can help. Once you have a clearer idea of what is going on, you can start opening the conversation up with their school to start making changes and providing the support your child needs. YoungMinds shares a simple six-step guide to help start the conversation with your school. 

How to help your child with anxiety

If you are worried that anxiety is affecting your child or teen, there are many things you can do to help. Talk with them. Let them know you are here to listen and help. Encourage them to share how they are feeling when they are ready, and let them know that there are other people who want to help and listen if they might feel more comfortable opening up to someone else. Some children and teens might be worried about making you worried or sad if they share how they feel. Knowing they can talk to family, a teacher, a family friend, or a trusted adult can help them open up.

Be careful not to judge what your child is saying or minimise how they are feeling. Talking about how other experiences are ‘worse’ isn’t helpful, and could make them less likely to open up in the future. Whatever is making them feel anxious is affecting them, so it’s important to take it seriously. Together, you can talk about overcoming the problem. Reassure them that they aren’t going to feel like this forever.

If you are worried about a younger child, observing how they are playing can be helpful. Young children can find it easier to express themselves while playing instead of with words. If they’re particularly stressed or upset, for example, you may notice lots of fighting with their toys. Ask them about this - observing their play and commenting on the fights can help your child open up and help you understand what’s bothering them.

Working together with your child

When your child is feeling anxious or frightened, there are things you can do to help them in the moment. Sitting with them can be calming and reassuring. Ask them to think of a safe place or person to give them something to focus on, or encourage them to do an activity that they like. Trying different things can help you find the best strategies that suit them. YoungMinds suggests breathing and grounding techniques to help children breathe through their anxiety and find their calm.

When your child is feeling calmer, try and talk about their anxiety together. Thinking about what makes them feel anxious can help you to figure out together if there are small changes at home or school that could have a big impact. Talking things through can also help them to recognise when they are feeling anxious, so they can know the signs and start to ask for help.

Learning more about anxiety 

Learning more about anxiety in children and young people, as well as self-help tips to look after yourself, can also be helpful. It could be time to seek help if their:

• anxiety is not getting any better or is getting worse
• anxiety is affecting their friendships, family, or school life
• self-help isn't working

Finding help and support 

Many professionals can help you get in touch with your local children and young people’s mental health services (CYPMHS). You can speak with your GP, a teacher, a school nurse, or a social worker. CYPMHS is designed to help children and young people aged 18 and under with a wide range of problems, including anxiety and depression. Self-referral is also available for some CYPMHS services in some areas.

Working with a trained, qualified, and experienced mental health professional can be a big help for some children and young people. Talking therapy can give children the chance to better understand themselves in a safe, judgement-free space. Counselling can help children talk about how they are feeling. Together with a therapist, they can learn to make sense of how they are feeling. A therapist may be able to help young people recognise signs of anxiety. They can help teens learn ways to feel less anxious in the moment, ways to help them cope, and learn to reach out when they need help and support. 

Counselling for children and teens with anxiety

Counselling is one option that can help children and young people who have anxiety. A therapist can help them understand what is making them feel anxious, as well as help them work through their thoughts and feelings.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is one recommended talk therapy for anxiety. It focuses on how thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all connected. CBT can help break big worries into smaller, more manageable parts. It can help your child change how they think and behave, helping them to manage their anxiety and how they respond to it. 

Play therapy can help children find different ways of expressing themselves. It can also help them to explore their thoughts and feelings, and to understand different life experiences. While traditional talking therapy can help many children, others may find it to be intimidating. Play therapy can offer the opportunity for children to communicate at their own pace, on their own level. This can help them understand upsetting or confusing feelings or experiences.

As a parent or caregiver, it can be difficult to accept that extra support is needed, but it’s OK. Reaching out for support is admirable and nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re worried about your child, you will take the necessary steps to help them enjoy life again - sometimes, this means talking to a child counsellor.

Free resources for anxious kids

We've created some free resources for parents, teachers and, of course, kids themselves to get a handle on anxiety. Take a look through our guides, activities and articles, which all aim to support children struggling with worries and anxiety.

Activities

• How to use the worry tree - an explanation for kids
• Worry tree activity
• Worry tree activity (coloured) 
• Mindful colouring bookmarks

Resources

• Anxiety in children - a factsheet for parents
• Anxiety in children - a factsheet for teachers
• Worries and anxiety - a factsheet for kids
• Happiful kids YouTube - anxiety playlist
• Explaining anxiety (comic)
• Let your worries fly free (comic) 
• Relax with mindful colouring (comic)

Thank you to child and adolescent psychotherapist Jacqueline Van Roosmalen for her support and guidance in the creation of our children's resources.

Related topics

• Child counselling
• Behaviour problems
• Childhood bereavement
• Childhood bullying
• Children’s learning difficulties
• Separation anxiety
• Attachment disorder in children

Find a therapist for childhood anxiety

Ready to start looking for a qualified, experienced therapist who can help your child or teen with anxiety? Many therapists and counsellors offer support through online, phone, or in-person sessions, making it easier for you to help your child access the help they need. Use our search below to find an online or local counsellor near you.