What is bereavement?
Bereavement is the word used to describe the experience of losing someone through death and the period that follows.
Grief affects everyone differently. You might experience a range of emotions. These can include sadness, anger, guilt, relief, confusion or numbness. Some days may feel harder than others. There is no set timeline for grief, and no right or wrong way to feel. Some people find it helpful to discuss their thoughts and feelings with a counsellor. Bereavement counselling can provide a supportive space to help you process your loss and navigate the changes that come with it.
In this video, counsellor Ella Pontin MBACP BSc (Hons) explains how grief counselling can help when you're bereaved, and how to find the right therapist for you.
Bereavement, grief and mourning: what's the difference?
The terms bereavement, grief, and mourning are often used interchangeably. However, they have slightly different meanings:
- Bereavement is the experience of losing someone through death.
- Grief is the natural response to that loss. Grief can affect us emotionally, physically, and mentally.
- Mourning is how we express and make sense of our grief. It can be influenced by personal experiences, beliefs, and culture.
How grief can affect you
Grief can affect us emotionally, physically and socially. Some people experience intense emotions, while others feel numb or disconnected. You might notice changes in your thoughts, behaviour, relationships or daily routines. These reactions are often a natural part of grief and can vary from person to person.
Emotional effects
Bereavement can bring many emotions. You might feel anger, guilt, anxiety, or sadness. Loneliness, relief, shock, and numbness can also happen. You may experience several emotions at once, or find that your feelings change over time.
Physical effects
Grief can affect your body as well as your mind. You might find yourself feeling more tired or like you have low energy or have trouble sleeping. Your appetite may change, or you might have trouble concentrating. You may experience headaches or muscle tension.
Behavioural and social effects
You may find yourself withdrawing from others. Some people struggle to keep up with daily responsibilities or lose interest in things they normally enjoy. You may find comfort in spending time with others, while others may need more time alone.
Grief can be suffocating and my husband and I agreed that we didn’t want to spend our lives forever in mourning. We have adapted to living without her, but we’ll never ‘get over it’, that’s just not an option.
- Kelly shares her story.
Different types of grief and loss
Grief affects us all differently. Depending on your circumstances, you may experience different forms of grief before, during, or after a loss.
Anticipatory grief
You may experience anticipatory grief before someone dies. This can happen when someone you care about has a life-limiting illness or their health is declining. You may find yourself grieving the changes that are already taking place, lost opportunities, or worrying about the future. Anticipatory grief can be a way of beginning to process an expected loss.
Disenfranchised grief
Disenfranchised grief is grief that may not be recognised or understood by others. This can happen when a relationship or loss is seen as less significant. For example, if a colleague, ex-partner or pet dies. It can also happen when a death is stigmatised, for example, following an overdose or suicide.
It can also affect people whose grief is overlooked or minimised, including children, older adults and people with cognitive differences.
Prolonged grief
While grief has no set timeline, some people find their feelings remain intense and overwhelming for a long time. This prolonged grief, also known as complicated grief, can make it difficult to adjust to daily life.
Collective grief
Collective grief occurs when a group, community, or society experiences a shared loss. This could be through a natural disaster, public tragedy, or other significant event.
Secondary loss
When we lose someone important to us, there can be other losses we experience, too. These secondary losses can be easy to overlook, but can have a significant impact. For example, your living situation might change. You could face loss of income or gaps in support. You might also feel like you've lost your sense of purpose.
Related pages
Understanding the stages of grief
You may have heard of the five or seven ‘stages of grief’. This model suggests that people may experience emotions such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance following a loss.
While some people find these stages helpful for understanding their feelings, grief is not usually a straightforward or linear process. You may experience some of these emotions, move between them, or not relate to them at all. Rather than seeing grief as a series of stages to work through, it can be more helpful to view grief as nonlinear and as a personal process that changes over time.
How long does grief last?
There is no set timeline for grief. While the intensity of grief often changes over time, everyone's experience is different. Some people find their feelings become easier to manage after a few months, while for others, grief remains a part of their lives for many years.
You may also find that certain dates, places, songs or memories bring your grief back to the surface, particularly around anniversaries and significant events. This is a normal part of grieving and doesn't mean you're moving backwards.
Coping with bereavement
There is no single way to cope with bereavement, and what helps can vary from person to person. Many people find it helpful to talk to trusted friends, family members or a counsellor about how they're feeling. Others find comfort in grief support groups, where they can connect with people who have experienced a similar loss.
Looking after your physical health can also be important. While grief can affect your appetite, sleep and energy levels, maintaining a routine and taking care of your basic needs may help provide a sense of stability during a difficult time.
Some people find comfort in remembering the person who has died, whether through sharing memories, looking at photographs, marking anniversaries or taking part in meaningful rituals. Above all, try to be patient with yourself. Grief can take time, and it's normal for your feelings to change from day to day.
Impact of grief on mental health
Grief is a natural response to loss, but it can sometimes have a significant impact on mental health. You may find it difficult to concentrate, feel overwhelmed by your emotions or lose interest in things you once enjoyed.
While these experiences can be a normal part of grief, it may be helpful to seek support if your feelings are becoming difficult to manage, are affecting your daily life, or you're struggling to cope. Bereavement can sometimes contribute to mental health difficulties such as anxiety or depression, particularly during periods of intense grief.
If you're experiencing persistent feelings of hopelessness or having thoughts of harming yourself, it's important to seek help as soon as possible.
Bereavement counselling
What is bereavement counselling?
Bereavement counselling is a type of talking therapy that can help people cope with the emotional impact of losing someone. It provides a safe, confidential space to explore your thoughts and feelings with a trained professional.
While grief is a natural response to loss, some people find it helpful to have additional support, particularly if they're struggling to cope or adjust to life after a bereavement.
What happens during bereavement counselling?
Bereavement counselling gives you the opportunity to talk about your loss at your own pace. A counsellor won't tell you how to grieve or try to "fix" your feelings. Instead, they can help you make sense of your experience, explore difficult emotions and develop ways of coping.
Sessions may focus on your relationship with the person who died, the impact of the loss on your life, or any challenges you're facing now and in the future.
Does everyone need bereavement counselling?
Not everyone who experiences bereavement will need counselling. Many people find support through family, friends, support groups, faith communities or their own coping strategies.
However, some people find bereavement counselling helpful, particularly if their grief feels overwhelming, they're feeling isolated, or they're finding it difficult to manage day-to-day life. Seeking support isn't a sign of weakness — it's simply one way of taking care of yourself during a difficult time.
Frequently asked questions about bereavement
How can I support someone who is grieving?
One of the most important things you can do is listen without judgement and let them grieve in their own way. Practical support, such as helping with everyday tasks or checking in regularly, can also make a difference. Remember that grief has no set timeline, so ongoing support can be just as valuable as support immediately after a loss.
Why do I feel numb after a bereavement?
Feeling numb, disconnected or emotionally "flat" can be a common response to loss, particularly in the days and weeks after a bereavement. Sometimes, our minds need time to process what has happened. While everyone experiences grief differently, feeling numb doesn't mean you didn't care about the person who died or that you're grieving any less than someone who expresses their emotions more openly.
What's the difference between grief and depression?
Grief and depression can share some similar symptoms, such as sadness, changes in sleep and difficulty concentrating. However, grief is a natural response to loss and often changes over time, while depression is a mental health condition that can affect many areas of a person's life. If your feelings are becoming overwhelming, persisting for a long time or affecting your ability to cope with daily life, it may be helpful to seek support from a healthcare professional or counsellor.
Finding a bereavement counsellor
If you're considering bereavement counselling, it can be helpful to find a counsellor who has experience supporting people through grief and loss. When choosing a counsellor, you may wish to read their profile, learn about their approach and arrange an initial conversation to see if they feel like the right fit for you. Use our search tool to find a bereavement counsellor near you or online.
